You Don't Get It.

*stands on pedestal*

you don't get it.

you don't get what it feels like to constantly be dehumanized because of the color of your skin.

you don't get what it feels like to hear "I don't date black girls" -- or furthermore, "I don't date dark skinned back girls." For what reason, might I add?

you don't get it.

you don't get how it feels to hear and watch people fetishize black women as if they were some sort of foreign object, or that being intimately involved with them in any way can be categorized as some rare instance they're willing to endure if it means they'll get some cool points from their bros.

gross.

but

you don't get it.

you don't get what it feels like to be so insecure about your skin tone that you can't even muster up the courage to talk to that person because you're afraid that they don't like dark skinned black girls.

you don't get it how physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing it is to be denied opportunities because of your skin color - first and foremost - as well as... you guessed it... the tone of your skin.

you don't get what it feels like to constantly watch dark skinned females being viewed through the eyes of modern day media as the single and ghetto best friend/dead beat mother, strung out on some sort of addiction/failing single parent/etc, while the lighter skinned females are praised and highly favored. Y'all are pretty. But so are we.

you don't get it.

you.

don't.

get.

it.

you don't get what it feels like to have to endure the emotional and mental issues that young adults as a whole go through while growing up, yet having to bottle it all up to adhere to the ridiculous stereotype that black kids can't be depressed.

*you really don't get how annoyed we are when someone just puts their hand in our hair without asking. that's rude and if you think otherwise then, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have to explain why invading someone's personal space so you can touch them like a foreign object is just wrong. *

you don't get it.

you don't get it when we resonate with the line "You have to work twice as hard to get half of what everyone else has."

If you think this is merely a complaint, then you don't get it.

If you think that we're overreacting, then you really don't get it.

If you think this is just a phase...please.

So on behalf of black women everywhere, especially dark skinned women, we appreciate what you may think are your sentiments when you say things like "you just have to be confident" and "you just have to put yourself out there," but to be frank... we appreciate it more when you just don't say anything.

*steps off pedestal*

Nothing but Respect for MY President, Doc McStuffins

I haven't posted in two months so here's a short little ditty to show yall that I am still alive and kickin' it!!

As you all know, Thanksgiving is TOMORROW and I'm very excited about it. Except I have to work all day. Other than that, yeah, very excited about it. Here are some things that I am grateful for:

- The person I thought I recognized in the grocery store last night was NOT my high school crush
- My new wig came in the mail and it is BEAUTIFUL.
- I am smarter than Donald Trump. (Honestly, if you ever feel like you aren't enough, just think: 'Wow, I'm actually smarter than the current POTUS' and let me tell you.. your spirits will be lifted.)
- Doc McStuffins is getting the recognition she deserves (Seriously do y'all watch Doc McStuffins? I'm a fan. Sis is really really doing her thing. Toy HOSPITAL?? Are you serious?! I can't take. She's my president.)

All jokes aside, these last few months have been the hardest, and I am truly grateful for the change that is taking place in my life. Here are a few things that I am actually grateful for:

- My mom had a serious back surgery a few months ago, and she is healing very very well.
- Thanks to everyone who has donated towards my GoFundMe, I have been able to work out a way with financial aid at Ithaca, and I will be returning this January!!! Thank you all SO SO much.
- My job. There are days when I complain about how often I have to work, but I have learned so much about adulting in this time frame, so I am actually really grateful about that.
- My spiritual growth and connection with God
- I'm so grateful to actually be in a position where I can give to others instead of receiving.

That last one is very important to me. Here's why.

Yesterday, after a weekly meeting that is held at my job, (for those who don't know, I work at a country club as a banquet server) I packed a couple boxes of leftovers to take home. I felt bad that the food was going to be thrown out, so I decided - in the spirit of giving - that I'd be a blessing to someone else. I remembered seeing a homeless man on the off ramp of the exit I take to get home, so I chose to give them the food to them.

BUT. They weren't there.

Now I could have easily given up and decided to go home with my bag full of food... but to be honest, I knew it would have just gone to waste. So I thought, and quickly remembered that there is usually always someone waiting on the off ramp of the exit I take when coming home from dance class(different exit). I drove past the ramp, and there he was!!! Yall I genuinely got so excited. So I got back on the highway, just to get off again. I rolled down my window and... guys... he looked like Scott Foley. I kid you not. Scandal season 4 when Jake is thrown into SuperMax for allegedly killing Fitz's son?? THIS WAS IT. Yall, he lit up like a kid on Christmas when I gave him his food. Honestly I felt like crying. He was so happy. I was so happy he was so happy. Everyone was just so happy... THAT'S what Thanksgiving is about. The extravagant food is great and the Black Thursday/Friday sales are great too, but it's so important to be a blessing to someone else who may not have a fraction of what you have. Do yourself a favor this holiday season and GIVE. You have no idea how you can change someone's life, even if it is bringing Thanksgiving dinner to them a day early! "We love lending a helping hand, cause I'm yours when you need a friend." That's what Doc McStuffins says. And SHE'S our real president, so.

Mind Your Business, Drink Your Water, and Make That Money.

     The other day, my boss asked me why my skin was so clear. She immediately accredited it to the fact that I had stopped eating meat a little over a month ago. I immediately accredited it to the fact that I simply just mind my own business. 

THE BENEFITS OF MINDING YOUR BUSINESS:

- You'll have less to worry about.

- You'll be preoccupied with making your own self happy, you won't even have time to think about anyone else.

- Your skin will clear up.

- More time and energy to drink. that. water.

- You'll have a healthier mindset.

THE BENEFITS OF MINDING SOMEONE ELSE'S BUSINESS:

- nothing.

- literally,

- absolutely,

- nothing.

     It's a proven fact that minding your business is clearly the way to go in life. Proven by me, of course. Trust me, I'm credible. (I've been featured on the *~ Playbill.com. ~* You do the math.) My motto is, mind your business, drink your water, and make that money. Simple, right?

     So why don't people do it?

     I get it. In a day and age where everyone's business is so easily accessible through social media and what have you, you may find it hard to shy away from trying to figure someone else's life out. Well...what's the point? How do you benefit from it? Does it help you sleep better at night? What happens when you've found out TOO much information?

See what I'm saying?

     I tell my friends this little nugget of knowledge: We wake up in the morning with a specific amount of energy, right? Our bodies can either be well rested, or not, or somewhere in between. Now why would you want to waste your precious energy on someone else, instead of yourself? YOU MATTER. (That was for you, Eli) And to be frank, the person you are so worried about probably is not thinking twice about you, or how you feel about them. They are living. their. lives. Why can't you?

     I'm telling y'all. Minding my own business has changed my life. My skin has cleared up, my energy has increased... I've even taken up coloring! You're never too old to color. Anyway, I've never been as happy as I am now that I am focused on me. Don't let the little things bother ya. Brush 'em off, let it roll off your back. Obviously easier said than done, but it won't get done until you at least say it. And I'm 100% NOT saying that you should be so self-indulgent all the time... I'm just saying, figure out what business is worth knowing. Know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

     To sum up this post, here's the easiest way to think about it: If it's not posted, it's not noted. Meaning, if the person (whose business you are so diligently minding) has not posted said business for the world to know, then that means they don't want to share it. Simple! I've also included a song here that you may enjoy, and who know's... it may help!

The Lion, The Witch, and the Banquet Server

I've dropped out of school.

     Good. Now that I've gotten your attention, I'd like to welcome you to my first attempt at blogging. I don't really know what I'm doing here, so it's an adventure that both you and I are taking together. It's like driving at night in a town you're not familiar with. So anyway, buckle up.

     As per my click bait above, I *~did not~* drop out of school. Rather, I took a semester off to address some financial obligations. I will not lie, it has proven to be anything but easy, but we are making it through. We, as in me. Speaking of me, still, because we were never NOT talking about me, I've decided that now is the best time to evaluate my life.

     You know what makes me happy? Getting what I want. And I don't mean it in the I'm-a-spoiled-brat kind of way... although, that's nice too. I mean that when I have a goal in mind, I do whatever I can to achieve it. Some may call it bravery, I call it perseverance. The hardships I have faced have only empowered me to work harder, and to never give up. It's a reminder that when the going gets tough, the tough will eventually get going... if you put in some work. This is truly what I believe that having the heart of a lion is all about. The courage to go after those dreams and hopes, even when it doesn't look manageable in the slightest.

     But of course, with any good thing comes the constant stream of doubt. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" "Do you have enough money, time, energy, etc.?" "What's gonna happen if this doesn't work out?" "Am I smart enough? Strong enough? Hopeful enough?" Okay, okay. I'd be lying if I told you that I didn't think like this. I'm dubbing this aspect of my life "the witch," because let's face it, like any witch you've seen on television, what good comes from anyone or anything equally wicked? However, just like Ursula, I have power. Power over myself, and the negativity in my life. I can change that constant doubt and worry to something much more positive. It's not going to be easy, no one ever said that, but it makes the end result worth so much more. I just have to actually make the change that I want to see. It's a process. Progress is a process.

     Some processes don't always go according to the plan you initially had in mind. Like right now; I'm supposed to be in Ithaca right now starting my junior year, but as the evil gods of Financial Aid would have it, i am not to return until my pending obligations are complete. Fair, I guess. So in the time being, I got a job as a banquet server at a country club 20 minutes away from my house. Nice, right? Good pay, busy job, great hours. It's not easy, but every day is a different adventure, let me tell you. I've only been working there for about three weeks now, and I've already got a handful of stories to tell you. Between the staff and the patrons... we're in for a bumpy ride for the next few months. But hey, the experience will pay off when I move to New York in two years, right? Look out Stardust Diner, I'm coming for ya.

     Hey this was a lengthy post, but I wanted it to serve as a "get to know where I'm at in my life right now" kinda thing. So there. You're welcome. Hope I didn't scare anyone away or bore y'all to death.